It is not unusual to witness that most of the teenagers are driven by solely by their feelings towards their love life. We don’t plan or consciously decide who would be our potential partner. They usually feel a deep urge to be with a person they are attracted to and they often conclude that they have found their ideal person to love. However, some teenagers do ponder upon the criteria they want in their partner but when it comes to real practice, most of them allows themselves to be carried away with the mesmerizing feeling of new love. However as mentioned in my previous blog, that certain hormones are responsible for triggering the feeling of ‘being in love’. Then, isn’t it possible that an individual will fall for anyone (maybe) in a social gathering, on streets and wherever possible? But that doesn’t happen. It seems that only a particular person usually attracts someone’s fancy and it seems that the person might have born just for that someone.
The reason is very simple. We actually/usually
choose a person or rather are attracted to person whose superficial
characteristic or personality satisfies our underlying needs. For example, in
85% cases the average looking girls want a charming or at least a good looking
person and such girls are generally least bother about the personality of her
partner. Again, good-looking girls often don’t bother about a person’s look but
they want a decent chap to be their life partner. In first case, the average
looking girls looks for good-looking partner as they consider themselves not to
be so beautiful. Therefore, their underlying need is superficial quality that
is ‘good looks’. Thus, they generally get attracted to good-looking boys rather
than decent not-so-good looking guy. However, in the second case a charming
lady knows that she is beautiful and her charm will entice numerous suitors.
Therefore, her underlying need is for a decent chap who would love her but not for
her beauty. Most of the teenagers think that having a girlfriend as beautiful
as ‘Taylor Swift’ might earn him some appreciation rather than being concern
about loving her. Thus, a beautiful woman generally searches for an honest and
faithful person and even looks is a minor factor in these cases.
What actually happens is, our
subconscious mind acts as radar constantly scanning for certain characteristics
in people (Usually among social circle and generally of opposite sex). Our
subconscious mind generally search for such characteristics that we lack
ourselves (not always) or we are insecure about. That is why often we witness
that a couple with different opinion and different mentality are living
together. In such cases, we say that ‘unlike poles attract’ but what happens is
that they try to incorporate in themselves the habits and characteristics they don’t
have (or maybe not good at) but their partner does. We are generally not aware
of it but our subconscious mind silently does its work.
After our subconscious mind chooses a
specific person, our brain gives certain ‘love signals’ that are according to
psychologist are prewired in the
primitive part of our brain. We often hear the saying, ‘love needs no
word.’ This saying is true because more than words, the love signals can describe
the love more beautifully. Certain facial expression like fleeting smile, eye
contacts (a girl generally looks at a man she fancies for quite some time and
when his eyes meets hers, then after on an average of five seconds she looks
away and after few minutes she again looks at him and the process continues for
about three times until the man approaches her). Body language like she would
straighten her up and sits emphasizing her breasts or crosses her legs or ankles
and if she is standing she would generally tilt her hips and her head sideways
towards one shoulder, exposing her bare neck. She might play with her hair,
lick her lips, play with her hair, cloth, or jewelry; she might adjust her
clothes, or would look for opportunity to initiate a light tough on shoulder or
hand (beware: nonsexual touch always don’t covey an interest. Look for other
signals too).
If we are attracted to a person and
plan to be in a relationship and if we think
it is a good thing to do then we can actually go for it and enjoy ‘being in
love’. But, a critical problem lies. We often fall for a person to whom we are
only attracted and don’t know the person well. We don’t see if we have mental
compatibility or we don’t think if we can go well along with the person. The
person’s superficial quality or his/her behavior might attract us but his/her
her habits, ethical values. Attitudes may not be known even for months and it’s
not extraordinary that we may not get well along with it. In such cases, the
lover and the love that initially seemed to be charming might turn into a
spiteful relation. There is no way we can predict it but we can avoid it if we
wait for about 6-7 months or maybe a year before we make a decision to get into
a relationship. It might seem too long, but a person who truly loves you will
wait but a person who is merely experiencing infatuation may wait but would
soon lose patience. The path of love was never a flowerbed but full of thorns.
There will be hard times but true love will always triumph.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,But bears it out even to the edge of doom:- Shakespeare
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