The Eye Language

“The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

                Eyes are one of the most essential parts of our human body. Though we mostly use them for seeing things but eyes have lot more functions than that. Eyes can speak, speak silently all about your emotions and can give away your lies. Eyes speak but the words of your heart.

Eyes help you to read and understand a person’s thought and emotion. Here, I must say, that by able to read one’s emotion and thought (though it’s not totally possible to read thought), you won’t become psychic but you will get a hint of what the person might be thinking. Think about it, when you a person, you judge them on the basis of what you see. Thus, eyes acts like a mirror that reflects our true self as eyes are independent of our consciousness.

However, reading eye language is not easy. When you look at a person’s eyes in order to read their emotion, that person will also look into your eyes. Staring too long can also make a person awkward. Accept it, it does happen. And what you do then, you look away, don’t you? In order to read someone’s eye language without getting caught you cannot gaze at their eyes more than 4 seconds.

   

The Secret of Pupils

Pupils’ dilation or contraction under a constant light source depends on your mood. Pupil dilates when we get aroused or see something that stimulates us. This dilation and contraction of pupils also states our likes and dislikes respectively. Dilation of pupils makes a person attractive too. 

When you go out on a shopping and happen to like something, your pupil will dilate. This dilation of pupil indicates that you are interested in that thing. The contraction pupils occur when we come across anything that we dislike. Now, the dilation or contraction of pupils is generally depends on the good or bad experiences you experience with your five senses. When you eat any food and like it, your pupil will dilate but will contraction will occur if you don’t like it.

It is said that ‘Love needs no words’. This is true as your eyes are capable of expressing the love you have for someone. When you look at the person you love, dilation of pupils occur and this dilation of pupils also make you more attractive. Dimly lit places also cause dilation of pupils. Thus, it is advisable that initial romantic meetings must be done in dimly lit places. A lovely walk on the beach or candle light dinner is the best examples of dimly lit places suitable for such romantic encounters. When two lovers gaze deep into each other’s eyes, their pupils dilate.

Pupil decoding is practiced by shopkeepers, dealers, investigators, con artists, entertainers, psychologists, so-on and so-forth.

Look at the two pictures below. Picture (A) shows contracted pupils where picture (B) shows dilated pupils. Which one do you think is more attractive?

The Story behind Eye Movements

Looking Straight 

A person looking straight into your eyes during any conversation is a healthy sign. It indicates that the person is giving his/her utmost attention to you. However, gazing for too long does indicates that the person is distracted or is daydreaming. In that case, just pat them on their solder ask them what they are thinking. Though they will just shrug off their solder and say ‘nothing’, they will again listen to you stopping their other mental activities.

Liars and con-artist also look straight into your eyes. Generally, when a person speaks looking straight into the eyes, he/her subconsciously displays his/her honesty. However, prolonged gazing straight into the eyes or very less eye movements are associated with deceiving signals. So, next time when somebody speaks with you looking straight into your eyes and very less eye movements, be careful.

Looking Up

Looking up eyes gesture cannot be deduced without considering body language. Looking up usually indicates that the person is not only giving his/her utmost attention to something but also judiciously thinking over that it. Eyes up along with hands behind head are a healthy sign. This indicates that the person is interested in whatever activities he/she is involved, using his/her thinking power and analysis the information he/she is getting.

However, looking up with certain body language can suggest negative emotion of a person. A few second looking up followed by sighing or stretching of arms (yawning can also be taken into consideration), indicates that the person feels bored and is no more interested in whatever activity or activities the person is involved in. The person is probably calling God to save him/her from such boredom.

 Looking Down

Looking down in itself is not a healthy sign. Looking down is associated with submissive attitude. When an elderly person scolds someone for any wrong doing, the person getting scolding looks down. The person is not only allowing to be dominated by the elderly person but also feeling guilty. A person can also look down if he/she is feeling shy or is not comfortable. If someone looks down when you are talking with them, it may indicate that the person is shy. However, this is not always the case. She may not feel comfortable talking with you looking in your eyes or she is not interested in whatever you are telling that person and probably thinking how to escape from you. Thus, to know what the person might be indicating by looking, you need to know that person. If the person’s nature is shy then it is possible that the person is looking down as he/she feels shy and will not feel comfortable talking with you looking unto your eyes. If the person is not shy but looks down, then be gentle to excuse yourself and leave. 

Looking Upward Left

As discussed earlier, looking up indicates that the person is thinking. If a person’s eyes are upward and slightly inclined towards left then the person is not only thinking and processing some information but also relating those information to some past experiences or accessing some visual information of the past. Looking upward left is associated with remembered visual. When you are telling someone something and they looked upward left means the accessed their visual memory. Can you remember where the UFO was drawn on the portrait of Mona Lisa?

Did you just now look upward left?

Looking Left

When a person looks left, he/she is remembering certain auditory information. When you talk to a person and his/her eyes moves left, he/she is trying to access the auditory information from her memory. If a person looks left time to time towards the door, he/she is actually planning to escape.

Looking Downward Left

When a person’s eyes are directed downward left, the person is in his/her own word. This ‘downward look’ is associated with ‘self-talk’. This is when the person is talking and listening to their own self. We may learn a great deal about ourselves if we can pay attention to our self-talk.

Looking Downward Right

This eye movement is associated with kinesthetic. This happens when we access our actual feelings for something. Thus, looking down and to the right is done when a person is thinking about his/her feelings towards a person or thing.

Looking Right

“Whose voice is that?”

You try to discriminate the voice from other noises. Did you notice your eyes moved right?
Probably not as it happens even before you think you are doing it. When a person eyes moves right, the person is discriminating a particular sound or voice from other auditory things. Eyes to the right indicates auditory processing.

Looking Upward Right

Okay… The person you are talking with is looking upward to the right, right? Well then, it’s a good sign. You have captured the person’s attention. The person is actually verifying the logic in your words. However, this eyes movement is usually interpreted to be associated with constructed visual. The person is actually doing a visual construction in his/her mind or probably is having a visual fantasy.

 

The Eye Gestures

The Eyebrow Flash

The eyebrow flash is actually a greeting gesture and is used all over the world. The eyebrow flash is done by raising the eyebrows quickly and then dropped again. The eyebrow flash along with tight lipped smile can also be observed. This gesture is done to capture the attention of the other person.
The eyebrow flash is used in many scenarios. It is used to flirt, to express fear, surprise, disagreement or agreement and non-verbal greetings as said before.

Eye Widening

 Eye widening is often accompanied by the eyebrow flash.  Raising the eyebrow is understood to be a signal of submission. This gesture is mostly used by women. Women use eye widening along with eyebrow flash to make a ‘baby face’ which make hormones to be released in the brain stimulating men to protect the women. Thus, it’s no surprise a women gets more favor that men because this gesture is also used to get favors and women are exceptional using this gesture.

The Diana Look

‘Looking-up cluster’ is a powerful method that has a large appealing effect to men. ‘Looking-up cluster’ or ‘The Diana Look’ is done by lowering the head which makes the eyes appear larger and looking up sideways. Princess Diana used to use this gesture. It gesture stimulates maternal effect in people towards the person using it.

The Passionate Look

This gesture is known to trigger the loving or sexual feeling towards the person using it. However, in this case too women are the ones who use it. Marilyn Monroe used this gesture to light the fire of passion in the hearts of men. This gesture is done by lowering eyelids and raising eyebrows, looking up and slightly parting the lips. This gesture gives a person a mysterious aura and makes them more attractive.

Conclusion

Eyes do give clues about what is going on in a person’ mind. Decoding and reading the hidden message in the eyes can make us successfully understand a person’s feelings and emotion. Eyes are one of the most wonderful parts in our body and the tale of eyes is also a fascinating one. Reading and understanding the eye language is fascinating in itself.  

Let Us Just be Friends

It doesn’t take much time for adolescents to be in a relationship nor to fall away from it. My previous post, ‘Love at first sight,’ states why we fall in love instantly or after sometime. The next question comes ‘why then we (sometimes) tends to end a relation (for sundry reasons) if not sooner but later?’ Quite many of you, who have experienced breakup/s, will agree with me that you or your partner usually fails to give a justified reason for breakup. If there is no solid reason (usually there aren’t any) for breakup/s, then why the breakup/s occur?

Breakup/s, no matter who is receiving, you or your partner, it’s difficult for both people. When you rejecting someone after a brief or long relation, it only displays that the person is not good enough for you. This not-good-enough feeling is very difficult to swallow for your partner with whom you broke up with. Some people feel that the reason for their living is slowly fading away.

Breakup/s tends to arrest our psychological (which may also affect our physiological) development. We tend to feel more insecure about ourselves, unloved and we also lose trust from people or even from love. All these emotions put our brain into depression mode. Depression is a natural human reaction. Our sadness influences the release of certain neurotransmitters (norepinephrine or serotonin) which causes depression when released in little amount. 

Breakup is not as painful as it seems. However, experience of breakup can pop up other painful memories from past which makes the experience of breakup more and more unbearable. The cerebral regions namely the insula and the anterior cingulate cortex are storehouses of painful experiences and thus pain from a breakup can linger for quite a long time.

Our post-breakup/s experienced mind can play other tricks too with us. Often a person can grow an

obsessed mind towards his/her ex-lover. This is usually experienced by women but men can easily distract themselves and move-on with their lives. Certain activities, places and people which were associated with the love life can actually provide mental torment. Such things can provoke the to-be-together feeling all over again. It may also cause more depression, distress and hopelessness. Therefore, try avoiding such things that might make you think of the person who left you or you may have left him/her for some reason or the other.

If breakup is so painful, then why in the first place, do we opt for the breakup?    

We don’t plan to fall out from a relation but we are forced to. Unhealthy, abusive or possessive relation can kill the charm and love in a relation resulting in a breakup (for good). If your relation is similar to the above mentioned relations, then you can close your eyes and go for a breakup. In a healthy relation, your partner will respect your decisions and feelings and will never force you to do something you are not comfortable with. Your partner will never try to control you, manipulate you, change the person you are and the most important thing is that your partner will understand you. If these things are absent in your relation then you should reconsider whether your relation is a healthy or unhealthy one.

Jealousy & Possessiveness

Many relations break or embittered by jealousy, over-possessiveness, or both. But why lovers feel jealous or over-possessive?

Jealousy is the most negative emotion in human beings that can end almost any relationship. Jealousy actually arises from insecurity within oneself and lack of trust and faith in partner. Jealousy is often the result of over-possessiveness. Insecure feelings make a person suspect his/her lover for almost about everything.

There are four reasons why jealousy is instigated in one’s mind :

• Insecurity

• Over-possessiveness

• Lack of communication

• Distrust

Insecurity: It is the biggest factor due to which an individual often becomes jealous of the other person his/her partner is befriended with. This result in lack of faith in one’s partner and eventually the relationship grows into suspicious and bitter relation. It can incite huge quarrels gradually destroying the love and finally annihilating the could-have-been-beautiful relationship. Insecurity about a person makes an individual uneasy and suspicious about everything around him/her including his/her partner.

Over-possessiveness: The insecure feeling triggers the possessive feeling. However, possessiveness can also be triggered due to past life experience. Suppose, a person from his/her infant have lost many thing which he/she considered to be his/her prized possession. Now, when that person is in active relationship, he/she doesn’t want to lose his/her partner. The partner becomes his/her prized possession. However, to make sure that he/she doesn’t lose his/her beloved partner becomes possessive. They try to eliminate every possible threat that might make him/her lose his/her partner. They often suspect their partner out of curiosity only to make sure that they are not being cheated and their relationship is not in danger. This way they only make their partner’s life captivity and keeping check on their partner makes their partner disgruntle and they often feel unloved.

 

Lack of communication: Often lack of communication can be the cause of jealousy. Hiding something from the partner often leads to distrust. This lack of trust and communication leads to jealousy and possessiveness. The thought that the partner will leave us after finding someone else makes us anxious and even without our will we become jealous and possessive.

Distrust: When a person unable to place their trust in their partner they usually become possessive and jealous. If a person has lost his/her love earlier for whatever reason maybe, he/she tends to suffer from insecurity and might often feel confused about his/her relationship and the most important part is he/she may not be concern about it. The insecurity in him/her makes him/her both jealous and possessive about the existing partner. The fear that works behind the curtain is the fear that their beloved might leave them if they cannot get well with the relationship. Thus, they tend to become possessive.

Psychologists suggest that jealousy and possessiveness can get programmed in our subconscious mind even from our childhood. Bad memories and experiences of childhood like loneliness or loss of some close person can be responsible for making a person possessive. Jealousy and possessiveness is generic and often found that a person having the mentioned emotion is equally possessive about other things that are dear to him/her.

How does possessiveness and jealousy decay a relationship?

Jealousy and possessiveness are like cancer. There is no cure if it is not checked in its initial stage and death is inevitable. Likewise, if these above mentioned adverse emotions are not checked they slowly but certainly destroys a relationship. Initially ones partner may judge such behavior as a sign of abundant love but generally as it grows to nagging and other negative attribute come forward, the partner can feel suffocated and controlled resulting in breakup or as in marital cases, divorce.

These adverse emotions are self-consuming too. As one try to control everything, he/she usually disrupts everything making cracks in relationship.

Relationship is mainly built on trust and faith. Lack of these two cannot establish a beautiful and everlasting relationship. Therefore, love cannot be taken by force but one has to earn it. After all, a captivated bird even in golden cage thinks of escaping and enjoying the mirth of freedom.

Jamie, an enthusiastic goal-getter and photographer blogged this following insight in her blog :

“Don’t be possessive, because whenever you are possessive you simply show that you are a beggar. Whenever you try to possess, you simply show that you don’t possess it; otherwise there is no effort. You are the master. There is no need to try for it.
For example, if you love a person: if you try to possess the person, then you don’t love him. You are also not certain about his love. That’s why you create all safety measures, surround him by every trick, by cunningness, by cleverness, so that he cannot leave you. But you are killing love. Love is freedom, love gives freedom, love lives in freedom. Love is, in its intrinsic core, freedom. You will destroy the whole thing.

If you really love, there is no need to possess.  - Osho