Jealousy & Possessiveness

Many relations break or embittered by jealousy, over-possessiveness, or both. But why lovers feel jealous or over-possessive?

Jealousy is the most negative emotion in human beings that can end almost any relationship. Jealousy actually arises from insecurity within oneself and lack of trust and faith in partner. Jealousy is often the result of over-possessiveness. Insecure feelings make a person suspect his/her lover for almost about everything.

There are four reasons why jealousy is instigated in one’s mind :

• Insecurity

• Over-possessiveness

• Lack of communication

• Distrust

Insecurity: It is the biggest factor due to which an individual often becomes jealous of the other person his/her partner is befriended with. This result in lack of faith in one’s partner and eventually the relationship grows into suspicious and bitter relation. It can incite huge quarrels gradually destroying the love and finally annihilating the could-have-been-beautiful relationship. Insecurity about a person makes an individual uneasy and suspicious about everything around him/her including his/her partner.

Over-possessiveness: The insecure feeling triggers the possessive feeling. However, possessiveness can also be triggered due to past life experience. Suppose, a person from his/her infant have lost many thing which he/she considered to be his/her prized possession. Now, when that person is in active relationship, he/she doesn’t want to lose his/her partner. The partner becomes his/her prized possession. However, to make sure that he/she doesn’t lose his/her beloved partner becomes possessive. They try to eliminate every possible threat that might make him/her lose his/her partner. They often suspect their partner out of curiosity only to make sure that they are not being cheated and their relationship is not in danger. This way they only make their partner’s life captivity and keeping check on their partner makes their partner disgruntle and they often feel unloved.

 

Lack of communication: Often lack of communication can be the cause of jealousy. Hiding something from the partner often leads to distrust. This lack of trust and communication leads to jealousy and possessiveness. The thought that the partner will leave us after finding someone else makes us anxious and even without our will we become jealous and possessive.

Distrust: When a person unable to place their trust in their partner they usually become possessive and jealous. If a person has lost his/her love earlier for whatever reason maybe, he/she tends to suffer from insecurity and might often feel confused about his/her relationship and the most important part is he/she may not be concern about it. The insecurity in him/her makes him/her both jealous and possessive about the existing partner. The fear that works behind the curtain is the fear that their beloved might leave them if they cannot get well with the relationship. Thus, they tend to become possessive.

Psychologists suggest that jealousy and possessiveness can get programmed in our subconscious mind even from our childhood. Bad memories and experiences of childhood like loneliness or loss of some close person can be responsible for making a person possessive. Jealousy and possessiveness is generic and often found that a person having the mentioned emotion is equally possessive about other things that are dear to him/her.

How does possessiveness and jealousy decay a relationship?

Jealousy and possessiveness are like cancer. There is no cure if it is not checked in its initial stage and death is inevitable. Likewise, if these above mentioned adverse emotions are not checked they slowly but certainly destroys a relationship. Initially ones partner may judge such behavior as a sign of abundant love but generally as it grows to nagging and other negative attribute come forward, the partner can feel suffocated and controlled resulting in breakup or as in marital cases, divorce.

These adverse emotions are self-consuming too. As one try to control everything, he/she usually disrupts everything making cracks in relationship.

Relationship is mainly built on trust and faith. Lack of these two cannot establish a beautiful and everlasting relationship. Therefore, love cannot be taken by force but one has to earn it. After all, a captivated bird even in golden cage thinks of escaping and enjoying the mirth of freedom.

Jamie, an enthusiastic goal-getter and photographer blogged this following insight in her blog :

“Don’t be possessive, because whenever you are possessive you simply show that you are a beggar. Whenever you try to possess, you simply show that you don’t possess it; otherwise there is no effort. You are the master. There is no need to try for it.
For example, if you love a person: if you try to possess the person, then you don’t love him. You are also not certain about his love. That’s why you create all safety measures, surround him by every trick, by cunningness, by cleverness, so that he cannot leave you. But you are killing love. Love is freedom, love gives freedom, love lives in freedom. Love is, in its intrinsic core, freedom. You will destroy the whole thing.

If you really love, there is no need to possess.  - Osho