Let Us Just be Friends

It doesn’t take much time for adolescents to be in a relationship nor to fall away from it. My previous post, ‘Love at first sight,’ states why we fall in love instantly or after sometime. The next question comes ‘why then we (sometimes) tends to end a relation (for sundry reasons) if not sooner but later?’ Quite many of you, who have experienced breakup/s, will agree with me that you or your partner usually fails to give a justified reason for breakup. If there is no solid reason (usually there aren’t any) for breakup/s, then why the breakup/s occur?

Breakup/s, no matter who is receiving, you or your partner, it’s difficult for both people. When you rejecting someone after a brief or long relation, it only displays that the person is not good enough for you. This not-good-enough feeling is very difficult to swallow for your partner with whom you broke up with. Some people feel that the reason for their living is slowly fading away.

Breakup/s tends to arrest our psychological (which may also affect our physiological) development. We tend to feel more insecure about ourselves, unloved and we also lose trust from people or even from love. All these emotions put our brain into depression mode. Depression is a natural human reaction. Our sadness influences the release of certain neurotransmitters (norepinephrine or serotonin) which causes depression when released in little amount. 

Breakup is not as painful as it seems. However, experience of breakup can pop up other painful memories from past which makes the experience of breakup more and more unbearable. The cerebral regions namely the insula and the anterior cingulate cortex are storehouses of painful experiences and thus pain from a breakup can linger for quite a long time.

Our post-breakup/s experienced mind can play other tricks too with us. Often a person can grow an

obsessed mind towards his/her ex-lover. This is usually experienced by women but men can easily distract themselves and move-on with their lives. Certain activities, places and people which were associated with the love life can actually provide mental torment. Such things can provoke the to-be-together feeling all over again. It may also cause more depression, distress and hopelessness. Therefore, try avoiding such things that might make you think of the person who left you or you may have left him/her for some reason or the other.

If breakup is so painful, then why in the first place, do we opt for the breakup?    

We don’t plan to fall out from a relation but we are forced to. Unhealthy, abusive or possessive relation can kill the charm and love in a relation resulting in a breakup (for good). If your relation is similar to the above mentioned relations, then you can close your eyes and go for a breakup. In a healthy relation, your partner will respect your decisions and feelings and will never force you to do something you are not comfortable with. Your partner will never try to control you, manipulate you, change the person you are and the most important thing is that your partner will understand you. If these things are absent in your relation then you should reconsider whether your relation is a healthy or unhealthy one.